Chapter 3: An Autumn Story
Chapter 3 of an Interactive Series. "18 years old. The ripe age to be alive and live life." A coming of age story. A whole new world to explore.
by Vivega Saravana Prabhu
After realizing that all the attention has been drawn to me I frantically turn to my roommate to ask her why everyone was looking at me. Apparently, I have been mixing the salad dressing for the past hour or so staring into space, and now everyone is curious to know what I was thinking so deeply about. According to them, I am usually the initiator of a conversation and it seems off that I am so quiet.
I mean how can I get involved in a conversation when I am experiencing an internal battle that can change my life. Anyway, my roommate and her friends convince me into telling them what was going on, and once they heard what the problem was they immediately burst out laughing. This just made me even more embarrassed than I already was, did I say something wrong? was the solution obvious? do they think I’m not cut out for the program and that I’m thinking too ahead of myself?
After a few seconds the laughing slowly died down and with hesitance, I asked what was wrong, why would they laugh when I’m talking about something so serious to me. Then my roommate looked at me and said, “gurl, do what you gotta do, what’s the worse that can happen? Are you losing your job? You can find another one, you’re more than capable of doing that. And your thesis, gurl I know you have 75% of it done already just finish the rest today and think of applying. The only issue we have here is your lack of self-confidence”. I mean what does she know, it’s probably easy for her to say, half the time she’s just hanging with friends and the other half slacking off and sleeping avoiding work until the last minute. She doesn’t need a part-time job, her parents are supportive and paying for her to get her life together. My mom wouldn’t care if I was homeless, or broke. I’m no longer her dream child anyway, so why bother. Feeling hopeless I get up to leave when one of her friends grabs my hand and tells me to just sit and think about what they just said, and they all get up and leave, leaving me behind. I get myself a latte and sit back, finally alone.
As a stared into my cup of latte the desire to travel the world and see new things, new people, and new places jest kept getting stronger. The opportunity had landed itself in my hands yet I’m so hesitant to take it. After a few sips in silence, I remember how a few years ago my mom decided to throw out the marketing project I was working so hard on for one of my clubs, saying that I was spending way too much time with that “junk” and need to concentrate on what really mattered in the future. At that time she told me “it could be fun now but you will have to think about future consequences child. If you work hard now then you can do what you want in the future”. It makes sense to think like that but now that I look back at it she never took my dream of joining marketing seriously. If I had taken the path she had chosen for me I would be stuck working day and night, doing something I don’t love. I wouldn’t have gotten another chance to work on a marketing project, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to work at my dream job. Just thinking about that made my blood boil. Maybe my roommate was right. Maybe I am capable of accomplishing this. The only thing that is stopping me is myself.